Monday.... A day of thinking...

It's been some time since I observe the sky,
the sky tonight was plain dark, nothing more,
no star, only a few dark cloud is visible
I sat down for around 2 hours
doing nothing except for thinking of the nonsense, in the sense of nonsense...
everyone is preparing hard for their exam,
as for me, I don't have one...
so the I decide to harness this silent period...
thinking of something I should be thinking...
something I should think long ago..
something I kept avoiding, something i do not want to think...

It's pretty tough...
I've been fighting the war for like 1 week?
Every night....
Fears enveloped me...
only my prayer accompany me...
I do not know how am I gonna survive without God...
he led me through the valley of darkness...
and help me find the light again...
i do not know how long will things continue to be...
but because of God...
I did not run...
I did not avoid...
I manage to hold my tears...
I believe in HIM...
Jesus love me...
why do I have to fear those who can't harm my soul...

I love Jesus very much too...
for He shielded me, protect me,
His love embrace me even in the most difficult situation...
I do not know,
I have a very strong urge...
I am still confirming whose voices is echoing inside me...
I feel that I must do it,
no body else,
It is my duty to help him...
but the me now...
do not have such confidence...
I need to work even harder...
I want to harness the love of Jesus more...
and one day I will...
carry on my duty...
God please be with me...


There's so many thing more I was thinking...
future? past? present?
what I did wrong? what had I achieve?
family? friend? my little angel?

I've been thinking for so long...
for so long....
within this period of silentness....
I really think a lot...
if the cellphone began to ring tonight...
I will know what to do...
your word...
is the only thing I need...
although things are hard...
but I still feel happy :-)


I love you,
Amen