He never abandon us =D

I was once a hermit that travels between the dark and the light. I always do thing by my own will. I stop praying since I was form 3 because I thought that it religion is no longer an important thing. Although I worship and I join others in religious activities in the Boy’s Brigade for almost 12 years, back since I was 7 years old. My spiritual life was not as strong as others. I have come to realize the importance of God and have been trying to get better in my spiritual life since. I’ve try many methods, going for seminar held by church, involve in more charity, try to read bible and pray every night but I fail to do so. Because in me, God was never that important.

I was someone who is afraid of death, although I’ve heard about Jesus Christ, his salvation and the connection between life and dead, but I never really care.

This situation continues on for 3 years until I’m 18 years old. When I was summoned to Batu Lintang Teacher Training Institute as a teacher-to-be, my very own salvation begins. It was when I first step into the world of adult that everything started to change. Believe me, God will never abandon you. He will try to bring you back to His side.

Before I came to Batu Lintang Teacher Training Institute, I met a girl during my first interview to become a teacher-to-be. She leaves me with a very strong impression. But since we do not know each other, I might as well just forget about her.

But God does create miracle. I found her again, and we’re able to get to know her well when I was in my institution. Like me, she is a teacher-to-be studying somewhere else. I know for very sure that this is God’s arrangement. During my first week of orientation in my institution, I was both physically and mentally exhausted during midnight. I felt like giving up, pack my beg and go back to my hometown.

It is then that her sms give me the will to go on. She will always ask me and comfort me when I was down. Eventually she became a very important person to me. Then, one day I was traumatized by the fear of death again. God at that time send me her angel, the “she” that I know. She comforts me and soothes me with the word of God. My life began to change since. I never fear death anymore. My spiritual life becomes stronger. As time pass by, I began to take bigger step towards knowing God.

I was once a sinner, and I still am, but I found myself to be peaceful at time, more calm and are able to practice things God wanted me to.

I don’t know how is her now. But I thank God for her.

God loves us, He will never abandon us. Seek him and pray to Him. He will hear your prayer.

By,
Felix Tong Jia Wei
18/07/2011
10.25 P.M.

The Flight

My heavy steps stops

At the sight of the almost invisible glasses

I stood there

Luggage in my arm

As I saw people coming in out

Of the almost invisible glasses

That open and close by itself

And I stare at you

Your expression that kept me wondering

If this is the place we’re supposed to be

Because you’re neither happy nor merry

Your eyes a little tear

Your smile a little heavy

Your mood a little moody

We don’t want to be here

But it’s all part of life

It’s all part of HIS plan

I know you’re sad

I know how you feel

But what can I do

Than to just simply whipping your tears

I hold my tears

Just to lessen your tears a little

But deep inside the tear is there

An unpleasant sensation

That I’ll have to fight

For your happiness

Is at the moment, mine

With an unwilling heart

We start to walk

Stop at the almost invisible glass door

It opens itself

As though it’s inviting us to go in

This very door

They will within a few moments, split us

And I hear the call to check-in

My heart pumps a little heavier

As though I don’t want this to happen

I pull a trolley

For your luggage to rest

And I pull it for you

To the check-in counter

You’re worry of your luggage

Of the cookies inside

Your drinks in aluminum can

Whether they’ll be spoilt

Whether the sensor will let you pass

So you make a double check

Just to ensure everything’s safe

After completed your check in

We rest for a while

Find a place to sit

And there I stare at you again

Such gorgeousness and such beauty

In my heart which will always stays at top

Just how torturing

It’s time to get into the departure gate

I know the time is near

And from here we’ll have to split

My tear is trying to break free

But I insist on holding it

Just so that you may leave without worry

And here we are, outside the departure gate

My heart is sinking

I stare into your eye

For this will be the last time

I’m able to stare those beautiful eyes

For a gap of five months

I know for sure

It’ll not be easy

And there you go

I hug you tightly in my arm

A tear you’re unable to see

Drop down this instance

For my heart hurts so much

I know I’m gonna miss you

Miss you so much

I saw you walk in slowly

Passing the sensor gate

Into the departure hall

You turn back

And you smile at me

I turn around

And with tear in my eyes I walk away

And there I was

Outside the airport

Fifty minutes I wait

And I watch your airplane reverse

Position itself on the lane

Accelerates

And in a blink of an eye, gone

When I look at the plane

The wind cause by the plane sweep through my face

And my little tears away

I cry, I recall those moments we’re together

But I’m happy

Because I know someday

We’ll meet again

Just how tired of running.....

I'm tired of running

From what I couldn't believe

I'm tired of running 

From what I don't believe

I'm tired of running

From the misery that you cause

I'm tired of running

From effort of nothing

I'm tired of running

From your face of multi

I'm tired of running

From the sudden change in you

I'm tired of running

From the temptation you fail

I'm tired of running

From what I truly know

I'm tired of running

From what you don't know I know

I'm tired of running

From the exhaustion of mind

I'm tired of running

From thinking too much

I'm tired of running

From the guiltiness I feel

I'm tired of running

From the life that you ruin

I'm tired of running

From you who don't appreciate me

I'm tired of running

From disappointment after disappointment

I'm tired of running

From waiting for so long

I'm tired of running

From waiting that never seems to reach

I'm tired of running

From do not believing you

I'm tired of running

From the wrong that you did

I'm tired of running

From the spirit that dies

I'm tired of running

From the confidence that never build

I'm tired of running

From far reaching your expectation

I'm tired of running

From dream never realize

I'm tired of running

Of doubting and suspecting

I'm tired of running

From which that bring darkness

I'm tired of running

From the tears I'm not suppose to shed

I'm tired of running

From the silly thought of having

I'm tired of running

From dream too vast and too naive

I'm tired of running

From a long path that never end

I'm tired of running

From a love I can hold

I'm tired of running

From giving up so easily

I'm tired of running

From the will of God

Which will one day bestow upon me

And I will not stop running 

If truely

One day I shall be summon by You

And on that day

I shall praise to Your call

I will not stop running no more

Whether it's true or not

I will not stop running no more

I will with Your will

And from today on

I shall be here

Preparing myself

For You to be use

I will continue to run

With Your little angel accompanying me

In this world full of darkness

She'll keep me company

And shines the light in front of me

Together

In Your Kingdom

2010 Christmas ~~

This year Christmas is a special Christmas for me,

Joy far greater than all the Christmas I previously had~~

I feel it~~

I can totally feel it (^o^)

The joy is in the air

There's a lot of things happened this year

Which is why this year Christmas is fill with smile :-D

This year Christmas would conclude everything I done in the year 2010~~

and it's telling me to prepare for 2011~~

Not enough~~

What I've done is not enough this year~~

Too many things are done wrong~~

Too many chances pass by~~

Looks like I would have to amend everything =.='''

However this year Christmas is not feel with regret~~

Perhaps a little~~

But I feel satisfy~~

The greatest gift...

I've received it~~

The wonderful salvation of Jesus Christ~~

Entering the adult world

I've encounter things I'd never imagine before

An adult world for superior from what I know

Everything that happen this year is God's love in me

I've been trained by God in several way

He heighten my faith

Show me His love 

and give me the reason to live

To save me from death~~

God had put His little faithful servant beside me

To help me ~~

To guide me ~~

I would rather call her

My Little Angel

This Little Angel of mine

is such a wonderful miracle

such a wonderful gift

From the fear of death

My Little Angel shows me the light

From the depth of believe

My Little Angel told me everything about His kingdom

From the power of love

My Little Angel shows me

The treasure I've been searching for

Thanks God,

It's been such a wonderful 2010

And Joy to the world

The Lord is born

Halleluyah!!!

And let all the praise goes to Jesus Christ

our messiah,

our savior,

The Son of our Father

Amen

It's another valuable memory

It's only the blink of an eye
and it's the 365th day
It's a one year anniversary of my beloved grandmother's death
=(
Well, feel kinda moody tonight
It's been a year without her
I still miss her
But I try to keep my tears to a hold
She won't want me to cry won't she
But I'm happy
Because I know she's resting peacefully in God's hand

Really miss her
I still remember most of the moment I have with her
Sometime happy sometime rough
But I will always remember
The way she treat me as a grandson
Her love
She will always compliment me and say
"Boy, you are a "guai"= good grandson" :-)
And she will always compliment me in front of others relatives

Grandma,
you will always be a large pieces of my memory
you bring changes not only to me but to other members of the family as well
It's been such a long time since I stand outside the veranda
Gazing at Sarikei night sky
I know I miss you
Thank you Grandma
I love you
I'm a good grandson so I'm not going to drop tear and make you worry right?
Hopefully I can
Always miss you =)


By your lovely grandson,
Felix

Blogger as a source of advice??

Oyeah!!
Finally,
broadband is working properly again  :-3
hahaha,
well,
sort of surprise,
I never know blog can serve as a place for cheers and advice,
well,
you see,
it's been a very very long time since I open my email,
there's about 8000 of them in my inbox @@~~
lazing ain't I?
I thought they were just some facebook notification...
haha, you're certainly wrong Felix

What's in your inbox are e-mail of advice and cheers
I mean, I never know,
cause it's been such a long time since i check my email,
I think it had been bout 3 months....
al rite,
I admit I'm lazy to check on them....

I was touched by one e-mail from Miss Dar3t0Danc3,
whoever she is,
"Dear Felix,
        
          Wish to inform you that, live isn't always about happy, yes, indeed happiness is very important but
sometime things just won't act on your wish. Cheer up boy, I can see you're slowly growing up in Jesus Christ, that's a good news isn't it? Looking forward to see your progress, and believe me boy, you must work yourself out, no matter how hard you pray, if you never intend to try your best God will not help you. Believe in God, and try your very best in everything, that's when you'll see miracles (am I right? Mr. MiracleMaker).

          From what I see, your thinking is quite mature, that's another good news!!! Honestly speaking, don't forget to retain some childishness ok? Like your blog about taking care of a children, maturity alone cannot help you, it is the "childishness" in you that creates miracle. To help a kid, first, look at the kid's point of view and that's what exactly you've been doing. Bet you're popular around kid's ain't you?

          Ah, I've always been looking forward to things you'll be writing in your "love life" section. But you never update much do you? But what you've wrote had always give some "touching" feeling in me. You're writing poem? I guess you are, although it's still not at a master level, still what you wrote successfully convey your message. Did "she" know how you feel? She must be pretty happy isn't she? I mean look at the message you tried to point out in your blog, she must be very important to you, do you love her very much? Wish the both of you all the best, whoever she is.

          I know life isn't perfect, and you may face lots of trouble along the way, but you must always remember, whenever you're down, turn yourself to God for comfort. his love is what you need, never be lazy when it comes to God and His kingdom. But I think you're one pretty tough cookie aren't you? Let me guess, entering the adult world, the only time you've cry was for your "special her" right? Don't take it seriously, just making assumption. But from what I know, well, guys tend to become very weak in front of the one they "love". Well, at least my boy is like that in front of me... hehe, don't mind those details.

          Keep on blogging ok? Looking forward to it. Show me how you move on with life with Jesus as your savior.

Yours truly,
Miss Dar3t0Danc3 "

haha, thank you,
"love life" har? it's really been such a lont time since I update it, well, I'll consider it
and there's funny one by Mr. PaulandtheBlitz

" 'ey 'ey w'at a ketc'up bro!!!
like t'e way you write,
keep marc'ing on yea'
i will certainly c'eer ya
God Bless you
'ee 'ee "

@@~~ Mr. Paul, why are you substituting "h" with " ' "

Got tons lots more to read sigh~~~
Well, I'm happy though... never imagine blogger have such function.

The Ended "War"

Finally...
I was victorious from the struggle...
Today was really a surprise...
Really a miracle...

The 2 weeks war... ended... in peace...
God is a God who hears my prayer...
He really never forsake me...
Thank You God...
Everything ended in peace...
And I was very touch by his 360 degree change...
It's a miracle...
It's Your miracle...

(^o^)

The end of this semester test~~

The test was marvelous!!
Neither easy nor hard,
just normal,
the effort I had put in will surely show some result,
and thanks to my friends who had accompany
and support me in my revision,
without them I won't be able to do it ^.^
 The end of exam means the coming of
honeymoon week for us TESL semester 1 !!!
Oh yeah, let's get the party going ahaha,
Pray that i will get good result in the test,
don't want to have extra assignment during holiday >.<

Dealing with little children T.T

Today,
while I was shopping at the supermarket,
something happened,

I went to the supermarket to get a haircut
as tomorrow I'll be attending my 1st ever annual dinner,
gotta look tidy and smart ^.^
But the haircut was so expensive~~
I only ask for cut not shave,
still the charge is RM 10,
well, that's the common price here,
I really prefer the uncle at Sarikei,
more professional haha,
and cheaper,
but it's ok, as long as I got my hair tidy up and smart,
handsome perhaps?

Back to the problem of the day,
children,
ayeah, some experience I have today >.<
after my haircut,
I went out from the shop,
look around wondering if my friend is still around,
he certainly isn't,
maybe he went down to buy something,
I take a walk around that floor,
then,
I saw a little kid,
probably age around 7~9,
he was sitting on the floor crying,
a sales assistant (maybe because she wears a digi t-shirt) is convincing the kid not to cry,
not many people nearby thou,
maybe because it's still working hour now,
doesn't seems like the sales assistant knows the kid anyway,
I approach and ask if anyhting happen,
and I ask if I could be of any help,
the sales assistant told me that she saw the kid just suddenly sat on the ground and start crying,
the kid doesn't want to talk,

I wonder where I got the confidence,
I told the sales assistant to leave the kid to me,
am I making some wrong decision?
At that time i don't even think much,
Just feel that I want to help the kid,
the kid was cute,
quite round, like my brother ^.^
chinese face,
then I squat down,
so that I can see the kid face clearly,
he's crying a lot,
I ask him why are you crying?
but he didn't want to answer,
 I kept on asking and persuading him not to cry,
gosh, it's a hard work haha,
I observe him a little,
crayons at the left side of his bag,
half coloured cartoon on the other side,
probably just finished his art class at the tuition centre nearby,
and then I continue to observe and persuading,
when I finally saw something,
a Boys' Brigade logo @@ ~~
oh wow,
so I quickly asked him if he joined BB?
at last, he sound,
"yes",
his expression so cute haha,

Eh wait, don't laugh la,
you still have work to be done,
then,
as I think back of BB,
I still remember when I was still a kid,
7 years old like that,
I joined BB for the 1st time,
since he was joining BB,
I was thinking maybe,
I can sing that song ~~

" Dalam Yesus, Kita bersaudara,
Dalam Yesus, Kita bersaudara,

Dalam Yesus, Kita bersaudara
Sekarang, Hingga selamanya,
Dalam Yesus, Kita bersaudara"

I just sang the song,
I did not blushed at all,
that time,
I was only focusing to let the kid hear what I'm singing,
and to my surprise,
he clap his hand and sang with me soon after,
he wasn't crying anymore,
so I took this chance to ask his problem,
he say that it's been a long time but his mother haven't come to fetch him,
I put my hand on his head and say,
" I wait with you, you want to sing the song again? "
That was the only thing I can do,
I accompany him and make sure that he doesn't feel lonely,
until his mother come few minutes later,
his mother express thanks to me,
I was really happy,

Children are so cute,
and that little old songs " Dalam Yesus"
help me a lot,
I don't feel irritated,
instead my love for children makes it the other way around,
keep my patience and care to them,
It was a wonderful experience,
God is wonderful,
He let me know how to deal with situation like this,
I was really touch on how God had wanted me to help a children,
although not much,
but I felt that this is a great achievement

God, thanks you,
for guiding me,
I can't get angry with children,
because why?
because jesus love them, and I should too
All the glory goes to Jesus, my lord

A tiring but happy day ^^

I fell myself so lucky,
to have all my friends with me throughout the day,
i enjoy the ikan keli my friends share wit me,
mmm~~ delicious,
I love the time doing rap video and mini dictionary with my friends,
Although it's very tiring today,
but I'm satisfied and happy,
cherished them forever ^^

God~~ Guide me

I turn myself to God once again,
pray in His unfailing love,
seeking for an answer and solution,
Humanly speaking, it is impossible, in God, everything is possible,
I found myself to still be unable to control my own feeling sometime,
In that I can only hand in my problem to God,
Let God fully control over my emotion,
I put my faith into Him,
And truly He bring everything to a pass,
God, please tell me and guide me what to do,
I do not want to repeat the same mistakes again,
Because I believe in You,
You can solve all my problems,
Help me to become stronger,
more understanding,
Guide me what is wrong,
Show me what is right
I only need to trust, God You will do the rest for me
Amen~

Actually I'm who I am~~

Actually I am who I am,
It's just that thinking too much had changes my own self-beliefs~~
2 weeks back here,
I realize too many things,
should and shouldn't do,
can or can't,
would or wouldn't,
I slowly begin to embrace Gods love in my everyday life,
that's why I can feel happy all the time,
I learn to look at sky and appreciate the wonderful creation of God,
enjoy reading bible more than ever,
and would like to tell my Almighty Father everything,
whenever I'm sad and depress I use my Almighty Father as my gas bag,
He is always willing to hear me,
to comfort me,
I feel so happy around him,

At first back to here I'm scare to feel loneliness,
but God do not let me feel like that,
He told me I have all my friend with me,
they become places I seek laughter and comfort,
and God will be standby 24 hour by my side,
My Lord, love You so much,
Really really love You,
You heal me with your word,
Now I won't stop and continue to blame on everything,
no longer stay sad and depress,
because everytime I do like this,
within the next second You'll take away all my problem

Halleluyah

Happy TESL dinner ^^

Oh woah,
Tonite dinner purpose is to welcome us 2010 intake TESL juniors,
Although it's already been 3 month or so we had been in here,
But I still feel very happy,
For an opportunity to gather with fellow TESL friends
and meet seniors and build a stronger bond between us TESL trainees

Tonite was fun,
especially the food, woah,
curry, cabbage n ayam masak merah
mmm~~ delicious
of course and the watermelon,
did not let this chances go haha
I swept 10 slices of watermelon at one go huhuhu
making me very full ar!!!

And then is the band performance,
woah, my friend can really sing,
you had done a good job Alex ^^

Oyea, brother Zarid birthday is today,
it was so touching,
everyone present celebrate his birthday together,
yea, IPGKBL now is like a second home to me,
I love it here
everytime coming back to my room after a whole day of classes and activities,
I feel at home,
relieve and happy

Bravo night, have a lotta laughter with my friend,
enjoy tonite time very much,
thanks God for granting me such happiness
well,
tomorrow afternoon have debate practice again =.=
night time got gathering hohoho,
so morning gonna sleep until late late afternoon ^^

Ah, TESL, the only group with a different culture,
we do not stick to one culture,
we TESL do not mind our races and religion,
we live as one big family,
speaking under one language,
fighting under one goal,
that is to teach English as second language

Love you TESL ,
May God always be with us TESL all around Malaysia

How much changes??

Changes?

Depends, sometime it's good but sometime it's not,
Recently I found myself to had change a lot,
I no longer act on emotion alone,
During my free time, 
Instead of gaming and novel reading like I do before,
I would just without realizing,
Take up my bible which is always situated right next to my pillow and start reading it,
Instead of staying sad and depress,
I would rather sing aloud and praise my Lord,
instead of blaming how useless I am and on things I did wrong,
I would pray and ask for calmness and forgiveness,
instead of hating or hurting,
I would look into the sky,
no matter what is the condition of the sky,
morning, evening, night, raining, cloudy, sunny,
it would always make me happy,
because I know somewhere up there,
it's my final destination and final settlement,
how I wish I can be there now,
no sadness only happiness,
no more tears but smile,
but that doesn't mean death is what I chooses,
suicide is a sin,
I will live my life fully,
just as My Almighty Father want me to be,
work his mission in me,
and bring more people to receive that eternal gift with me
As a teacher to be, it's my responsibility to shape my student in the future,
this is all Gods' doing,
He's always working on us,
preparing the road ahead perfectly for us,
we as HIS children need only to have faith and trust HIM,
work our best by HIS power,
I will put my eye of faith and every trust into You,
will rely completely on Your love

May All the BEST PRAISE goes to you, Jesus My Lord!!! Halleluyah

Friends to be cherish

I still remember freshly, the first time meeting a friend,
The feeling was horrible,
I want to get to know them but I just don't know how~~
Haha, those time are my sweet sweet memory,
In a blink of an eye, time pass
Finishing SPM and we go our separate way,
Meeting new friends and a world different from what we are used to,
But still, those sweet memory of togetherness is always there,
Every friend of mine now is a piece of my happiness,
no matter where they are,
they are still a pieces of my memory,
that is compulsory to complete my puzzle~~

I still remember the first time we are all punish for been naughty,
First time partying together,
First time receive a Greeting Cards,
First time of quarrel,
First time falling in love hahaha
and the time of growing up together

Some friend even brings big change into my life
they influence me the good way and of course I can't deny the bad way too,
but that's what friends are meant to be~~
building a memory to be cherish together~~

I still keep some of my friends' gift,
one of them is the small and round monkey,
that had always accompany me while I sleep
still bringing it with me here at my IPG~~
another one which I had receive lately
although it's just a small key chain in the shape of shell~~
but I cherish it very much,
looks like I need to wash it tomorrow because of holding it most of the time ==
There's still so many other gift and even a pencil case i was reluctant to use because it's a gift,

Haha,
still, friends are not all about gift,
but someone who can brighten up your life,
less communication doesn't mean they do not care for you,
because everyone had grown up,
and are working for their own future just like you,
friends are to be cherish~~



Thank You all my friends~~